Posted by: notdeaddinosaur | May 12, 2011

Just Trying to Help

New patient on the phone:

“Could you please give me directions to your office?”

Courteous Staffer: Sure; where are you coming from?

NP: Just tell me how to get there.

CS: Well, what direction will you be coming from?

NP: I just need directions.

CS: Um, well, can you tell me where you are to start with?

NP: Please just tell me where you’re located.

And I’m going to have to try and get a medical history from this clown? Ah well; looking on the bright side, he probably won’t be able to find his way to the office anyway.


  1. If the person does show up, the new patient likely will not have the insurance card or play dumb about the copay. Even better is when the patient states, “bill me for the copay,” or “bill me of the deductible.”

  2. He must have been a politician. The world is centered upon him so that is why he didn’t need to supply the point of origin…

  3. Your caller id should have had his GPS coordinates to plug into your office software to pinpoint his location. You are such a dinosaur!

  4. MD: How long have you had these symptoms?
    NP: A while.
    MD: Has it been going on for a few weeks, or several months?
    NP: It’s been going on a good while…
    MD: (Struggling to hide exasperation) Do you remember having these symptoms around last Christmastime?
    NP: Gee, doc, I dunno. I’ve had them a right good while…

  5. Hey jb. I get that patient every week in the Urgent Care I moonlight at!

  6. My computer is very near the receptionist so I hear all these conversations. My receptionist always say, “please follow the directions on our website or write this down because GPS will not get you here.” And every day I hear, “yes your GPS is wrong, let me give you directions.” Sigh

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