Posted by: notdeaddinosaur | April 26, 2011

Weirdest Phone Call Ever

9:00 pm:

Hello. It’s Mrs. Mumbledimumbler; I need the doctor to call me right away. My hip is driving me crazy. Please call me.

I listen to the message three times so I can sort of make out the name. The problem is that even though I think I can understand it, I don’t recognize it at all. But I call her because she said she needed me to call her right away.

Hello. I need you to call me in some tramadol right away.

“What was your name again?”

She repeats it clearly enough for me to confirm that I really don’t recognize it.

“Have I ever seen you in the office?”


Let me get this straight: it’s 9:00 at night and your hip is hurting, so you call a doctor who’s a complete stranger and insist that they call you in a powerful painkiller without ever having seen you, taken your medical history, or examined you? I don’t think so.

“Um, I’m sorry ma’am, but I really can’t do that unless you’re an established patient in my office.”

Oh, okay; never mind.

I suppose I should count my lucky stars that she didn’t want vicodin.


  1. The vicodin request would be two days later when the Ultram “wasn’t strong enough”.

  2. I think you should count your lucky stars she didn’t show up at your office.

  3. This happens at our office now and then. The smarter ones say they’re a patient of whichever partner is not on call. New EMR should help with that.

  4. Wow, a truly lazy drug-seeker: can’t even be arsed to schlep on down to the ER, wait her turn, & tell ’em a good tale to get her drugs.

  5. A few fun calls: I am on ER call every so oftne for unassigned patients. Some of these are ones who have back pain and get vicodin from the ER. Then these people call my office and ask for vicodin refills, as my name is on the paperwork as the follow up doctor. They want this called in without me ever seeing them. My front desk knows to offer a one time follow up visit for ER patients with the heads up warning that no narcotics will be prescribed. It cuts way down on the follow up patients from the ER.
    Another fun call is the person stating they want to talk to me. It took me months to get my front desk to ask if the person is an active patient and the reason for the call. Often it would be about other family members who were not patients, potential new patients calling for my “free” opinion, or someone trying to market something to me. It was a whole lot of fun blocking the docs who work for marketing companies, as my front desk would immediately pull me out of the room to talk to a doctor who is on the phone who simply wanted to sell me a laser for my office or offer ultrasound for my office.

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