Posted by: notdeaddinosaur | June 19, 2008

Journal Club

An oldie but goodie from one of my favorite journals; the one, the only Journal of Irreproducible Results. From 1993, by Thomas Michel, MD, PhD:

Politically Correct Cardiology

Instead of saying a patient has Heart failure,
  • Say the patient is Inotropically challenged.
Instead of saying a patient has Diastolic failure,
  • Say the patient is Lusotropically challenged.
Instead of saying a patient has Sick Sinus Syndrome,
  • Say the patient is Chronotropically challenged or Systolically impaired.
Instead of saying a patient has Aberrant conduction,
  • Say the patient has Alternative conduction.
Instead of saying a patient has Left axis deviation,
  • Say the patient is left axis-enabled.
Instead of saying a patient has an Inferior myocardial infarction,
  • Say the patient has a Diaphragmatic MI.
Instead of saying a patient has a Hypercoagulable state,
  • Say the patient is Rheologically impaired.
Instead of saying a patient has Aortic (mitral) incompetence or insufficiency,
  • Say the patient is Aortic (mitral) retrograde flow enabled.
Instead of saying a patient has a Ventricular (atrial) septal defect,
  • Say the patient is Interventricular (interatrial) flow-enabled.
Instead of saying a patient is a poor surgical candidate,
  • Say the patient is Cardiac medical therapy enabled.
Instead of saying a patient has Senile aortic stenosis,
  • Say the patient is Elder aortic flow impaired.
Instead of saying a patient has Multi-system organ failure,
  • Say the patient is Metabolically challenged.
Instead of saying a patient is Dead,
  • Say the patient is Metabolically different, or Entropically enabled.
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